Leave the Light On
by OnTheLow
Summary: After Tartaros, everyone left Lucy. No one knew what happened to her during the battle. No one was there to tell her it was okay. She decided to ease the pain inside through drugs. What's she going to do when Lacus comes back into her life? I will be posting consistent warnings but if you are uncomfortable with this topic, please do not read this story. Lemons later on.
1. Taking Steps

Hello lovelies! Thank you so much for checking out my story! I hope you enjoy it. I was inspired by a song called "Leave the Light On" by Tom Walker. I promise future chapters will not contain a warning this long but for now before you delve into the following chapter please note the following:

This story does contain drug abuse and depression. The drug is fictional but if you have any negative connotations towards drug abuse or depression that could lead to being triggered, please do not continue reading or read with caution.

I do not have any experience with hard drugs other than seeing people take it at parties and I am not trying to encourage its use in any way. I researched symptoms of multiple hard drugs such as heroin, cocaine, methamphetamine, opiate, and percocet. If you have a particular issue with one of these, please do not read this if it will make you uncomfortable.

If you have depression or a similar mental health issue, what happens in this story is not a resolution for you. Please find help or a healthy coping mechanism. For me, it's writing, talking to a friend or stranger, and going on walks. I know it is hard but you can get through it.

The fictional drug is called Blue Krow. **The symptoms while using or with consistent use:** anxiety, euphoria, exhilaration, disorientation, increased libido, decreased appetite, track marks, weight loss, slight discolouration of the skin (becomes paler while using), bruising, and insomnia. **Symptoms of coming down:** headaches, numbness, mood swings, paranoia, hallucinations, agitation, twitching, nausea/vomiting, and crying fits. **Symptoms of withdrawal (lasts between 1month to 12months depending on the amount of time using):** intense cravings, migraines, cramping, sweating, cold sweats, fever, irritability, feeling of a heavy body, vomiting, fatigue, nosebleeds, chills, and twitching.

This story will contain lemons later on so if you're not 18+ or do not like reading smut and do not want to skip parts, this may not be the story you're looking for.

Fairytail belongs to Hiro Mashima.

I will be posting a version of this warning before each chapter and I will add extra trigger and lemon warnings if that particular chapter calls for it. This first chapter will contain Lucy coming down from a high, taking the drug, experiencing its effects, and slight withdrawal. I won't put these kinds of warnings for all my stories but I believe that this topic does call for it. Other than that, please feel free to message me about anything and I hope you enjoy my story! :D

-Lucy-

I take a step.

I can feel the tips of my fingers being ripped open as I cling to the rough exterior of the building. I make a mental note to put ointment on those wounds later. Or at least rinse them out. It stings. Oh well, my fingers will probably go numb soon and the pain will fade away. I just need to focus on getting home.

I take a step.

I can already feel the paranoia kicking in and the numbness usually comes after that. I should have brought another needle to my dealers. Then I wouldn't be in the middle of fucking nowhere while coming down.

I take a step.

If I let go, the ground will disappear and take me straight to Hades himself. My back starts to tingle and warm up as if there's someone behind me. Or something. It wouldn't be the first time I've seen a demon, real or fake.

I take a step.

There's definitely someone behind me. Watching. Lurking. Waiting for the perfect moment to harm me. The walls are closing in on me now as if giving them a perfect chance to attack. Although I know there's a high possibility that it's just an effect from the drugs pumping in my veins, it doesn't stop my heart from racing. My flight responses make every nerve start humming. Screaming at me to get home behind a locked door. I listen. I start running, never taking my hands off the wall.

I've lost my shoes. I think I remember tossing them away when I decided heels were overrated. Damn. I liked those shoes. The pavements cold. Every miniscule cement edge is poking at the bottoms of my feet and injecting the coldness deeper into my body. I wonder what would happen if I lay down? Would the cold hit me all at once? Would it finally fulfill the job it is so desperately trying to complete? I take a step further into the darkness of the alley. It welcomes me back with open arms. I see the faint glimmer of my dealers Dutch door. She never lets people in her house and instead uses the door as her storefront. It's odd, but it works. I guess I understand. I knock on the door in the way she instructed all of us. Twice, once, and then three times. Although it's unlikely anyone will find her, she's still careful. An amazingly annoying creak comes from the hinge of the top half as it opens.

"Oh, it's you. The regular?" She sighs as she starts texting one of her lackeys to bring me a 100ml bottle of blue krow. "You sure you don't want to try something new?"

I shake my head slightly harder then I intended. "I'm perfectly fine with the usual."

She grumbled something but I didn't bother to pay attention to it. I saw her lackey, George I think, coming towards us so I pulled out a hefty wad of cash and handed it to her.

I barely make it to my toilet when I start puking bile. I guess I haven't eaten much recently. I flush it and attempt to get some water in me from the sink. My head feels like it is splitting in half. I look into the mirror to confirm it. Instead, I see her behind me. She's giving me her usual patronizing glare. I would scream but I'm not afraid of this hallucination. All I feel is abnormally calm. At first, I wasn't ready to face any of them again. When the hallucinations began to affect me, it allowed me to see the people I missed. Seeing them makes the other hallucinations worth it. It allowed me to be able to face them. They didn't like it. They didn't think it was healthy. I don't understand. Blue krow does not have any known long term side effects and it makes me happy. Or maybe I do understand and I'm just choosing to ignore it. Oh well. It's fine…

I hate coming down. I decide to just sit on the bathroom floor and let my tear ducts get every last drop of salty water out. Let my body convulse as I wail and scream the names of everyone I've lost.

It's probably been hours since I started. My mouth tastes gross and my face is stiff from the tear trails. I should shower and get some food in me. Probably will have to go out for food. I can't even remember the last time I went grocery shopping. I need a pick me up. Just enough to get me through dinner and in to bed. First things first. Where is my toothbrush and where did I put the stuff I bought?

-Laxus-

What was Gramps thinking disbanding the guild? We need each other now more than ever. It's disappointing, just like my drink. This rye and ginger tastes like dishwasher. The bartender clearly did not use the good stuff like I asked but I'm too tired to care. Pigs Breath is a quiet bar that guarantees peace with a side of subtle illegal dealings. I only come here on the days I need to avoid my extremely overbearing team. Today just happened to be one of them because I got a haircut. I knew it would be better to just let it grow out.

I put my earphones over my ears while signalling the bartender to get my bill. I mumble a "have a nice night" after paying them and downing the rest of my drink. The cold liquid burns its way down my throat and gives me the kick I need to face my team. I swear they are the only reason I ever get a headache. Whatever. They're still family I guess.

I turn around, nearly knocking down a cloaked figure. They scurry off towards the bathrooms before I have a chance to apologize. I'm not surprised though. This place is crawling with druggies on edge. Walking outside is like hitting a brick wall of cold. When will spring become summer? There's no snow but we are lucky if it gets above 6 degrees. This is ridiculous. I adjust my jacket and decide to teleport home. I'll deal with the weakness coupled with the alcohol later.

"Freed, shut the fuck up for like two seconds. My hair is the same as the last time I fucking cut it!" I bark in an attempt to get Freed to stop taking pictures of every godforsaken angle.

"But Laxus this needs to be documented and I don't want to miss a single hair! You did not let me capture this beauty last ti-" I zapped him before he could finish speaking. "I'm going on a walk feel free to stay here just don't follow me." I mutter while grabbing the fur lining of my coat and walking out the door.

Thank god I'm finally out of there. I was lucky they weren't lingering last night. The withdrawal of power from teleporting coupled with the alcohol made me weaker than normal. I wouldn't want any of them to see me when my bones had become lead and my muscles were jello. Hardly the makings of the great Laxus Dreyar. As much shit as I put them through I had to at least admit that I did not want to disappoint them. Well I can admit it to myself. Not to anyone else.

The best part of living in my cabin is that it's far enough from town that I can comfortably teleport and train without hurting anyone. I don't need the lawsuit or the guilt. Guess I'll walk into town though. Going through the woods guarantees a headache. I will bump into some monster I don't want to have to deal with and then having my team swarm me to ensure I'm okay. I can live without that hassle. I'm also not in the mood to train. I could easily lose control and I really don't want to have rebuild my house again.

-Lucy-

I feel empty. If someone were to open me up, they would find nothing. It's like a Russian doll set except the final one is missing, leaving you with the empty space dying to be filled. An incomplete set. That's me. That's how I feel. When I lost my mom, part of me drifted away. I never truly noticed until I started losing more people. More loved ones. I covered it up by trying to be strong. By joining a guild. By having a team. They never saw the hole inside me. None of us did. We were too focused on patching up their holes. Igneel, Jellal, Ur… They were the more demanding issues. Except now, my hole is too big to fix. I've lost too much.

I'm numb. Not the physical kind of numb. The emotional numb. It seeps through your body with every loss. It seeps and seeps and won't stop. It consumes you. Sucks everything out like a leech begging for life force. The drugs help it go away. Help me feel full. Help me feel. I can be happy. Or sad. Or angry. If only, everyone could see that. If only they understood. I need it. It helps me feel again.

I shake the empty bottle. Dying to get that last drip into the needle. Any medical professional probably would yell at me for how shitty I'm doing this. But I can't help it. I'm desperate. I need this fix. I need it now. I get the belt that I leave on my bathroom shelf and tighten it on my upper arm. I find the vein and inject the beautiful substance in the blink of an eye. Immediate relief courses through my body as I feel the foreign liquid go through my veins. I need to get more.

My dealer's door is lit. Thank god. I pick up my pace. Eager to get the next fix. I'm basically galloping. I wonder if this is what horses feel like. I knock twice, once, three times. Her lackey opens the door today.

"Hey George! Or is it John? Maybe Bailey? I always wanted a dog named Bailey." I start to ramble and then I notice his glare.

"What do you want?" He snaps.

"200ml of Blue Krow please." I say as I start jumping from foot to foot. I feel like standing still is a waste of perfectly good moments for jumping. I see him go to the back. I guess he got stuck working by himself tonight. Oh well. He's grumpy anyways. I refuse to feel bad for him. I decide to stop jumping long enough to get out what I owe.

"Here you go." He shoves a brown bag in my hands while simultaneously taking the money from my hands. I can't help but gape at how fast he did that. He grunts at me to get lost and to not draw attention as he slams the top door in my face.

I don't realize the door was closed until I heard the distinctive click of a lock. I wonder how fast I can run in a straight line? I turn on my heel and focus on the other end of the alley. I quickly put the brown bag in my backpack. I bend over and tuck my right knee under me while stretching my left leg behind me. The damp ground pricks my fingers. I push my fingers further in the ground. The sharp pricks are my gunfire. I push myself forward.

I feel like I'm flying. No one can catch me. I'm light as air. I'm faster than sound. Maybe even faster than light. I was smart to wear my running shoes instead of heels this time. I can go so much faster. I can get so much farther. My problems no longer exist. I left them behind when I started running. They will never catch up to me. I don't want to stop but my destination is approaching. No problem. I will move the destination. I can go anywhere.

I take a step.

Where am I? How long have I been running? My long hair brushes my sides as I move my head around. I jump at the sensation, thinking someone is touching me. The trees look so much larger than usual and that bay… How did I never know this bay was here? The stars are so clear from here. I look down at myself and I start to feel the layer of sweat and dirt that is coating my skin. My whole body is screaming for a bath. I look at the bay again and all I see is a giant bath tub. I dig my heels into each other to take off my shoes. I rip off my shirt and fumble with the clasp on my bra. I take my belt off with care. Placing it on the group in a nice heap. I clip the skin on my hip as I wrench the zipper of my skirt down. I barely register the pain or blood. It's not worth the effort. I finally slip my underwear down my legs and bolt for the bay. I curl my toes in delight when I feel my feet hit the mud. I continue to run through the water. I'm desperate to find where it's deep. I'm desperate to dunk under the water and feel all the grime wash away with the water. I don't stop even when I run through the pockets in the mud that contain rocks. The water will wash away the blood. It's finally skimming the bottoms of my breasts. I do a somersault. I feel the blood rush to my head for a split second before I come up gasping for air.

I decide to float. Let the water take me where it wants. It's rejuvenating. The cold water seeps into my skin and down to my bones. I think I am going to stay here for a while and just look at the stars. I can figure out where I am in the morning.

"Lucy, wake up!" Someone yells at me while grabbing my shoulders. I will Lucy Kick them to Jupiter if they don't get their hands off me in a minute. "Lucy, come on! You have work in 2 hours and you're stuck in the middle of nowhere. You only have to go in once a week and today just happens to be that day."

I crack my eyes open only to see a very concerned Loke. Behind him is Virgo that holds the usual blank expression, the only reason I know she is worried is because of her eyes. I groan as I sit up. Every muscle in my body is begging me to stop moving. It feels like I haven't moved in years. I remember the events of the night before and thank my lucky stars that I finished coming down yesterday and that I got some sleep. I would have lost my job if I was going through that at work. Now I just have to control my irritability until I can get my next fix. I glance at Loke and see his pained expression as he sees the track marks that have grown in number since he last came out. I ignore him. It's not my problem he doesn't get it. I let them down a long time ago during Tartaros.

I flinch as I recall that time. I feel the numbness start to ease its way back through me as another piece of my heart chips off. I thought I was getting over this. I don't deserve my spirits. They deserve someone better. I'm no better than Loke's old mage, Karen. I shake my head and make sure my thoughts weren't all over my face. Virgo holds a fresh pair of clothes, some toiletries and a first aid kit. She gave me a long sleeve. I guess that's smart. I'd get in trouble at work otherwise. I start changing, not caring that Loke is there. I was lying naked in the grass. He will live if I change. I just don't have the energy to care about it. Not anymore.

I take a step.

My feet hurt from all the cuts I got in the bay. Each step feels makes me want to scream. I can feel the migraine kicking in from not having any blue krow for a while. When did it start to take only a few hours to need more? I feel like shit. I hate this. I just have to get this over with and then I can go back to my apartment. I look up. The office building looks retched. I always thought this place would be amazing. I guess some dreams just shouldn't be accomplished. The air in the building is moist from the mildew. Every breath makes me want to shiver from disgust. I probably shouldn't judge too much though. My personal activities could be considered less than sanitary. Especially the places I end up.

I take a step.

Jason sees me immediately. Great. I smack on the best fake smile I can muster and prepare myself to be the bubbly Lucy everyone expects me to be.

"Lucy! My doll! Welcome back!" Jason is running towards me. Why does everyone have to yell my name today?

"Jason! Hi! Did you get my last article? Was it okay?" I want to not care about this but if he doesn't like it, it doesn't get published, and I don't get paid. If I don't get paid… well, there's a whole list of problems with that.

"Oh of course! I'd be surprised if you ever disappointed me. Now I need your help." Fuck him. He always does this. Always asks for favours when he got himself into a mess "I may have told the chief we could get an exclusive with Laxus Dreyar…"

I stop listening after he mentions that name. I can't face another Fairy Tail member. Or rather, another ex-Fairy tail member. They will know somethings off with me. Then again, maybe Laxus won't. He never really interacted with me that much. I guess he saw what I really was. I start to tune back in because, sadly, he is my boss now.

"…you were his guildmate so I'm sure it will be a piece of cake to get him to agree! Here's his current number and address! Be sure to have this done and on my desk before our next special!" He finishes while handing me a small white piece of paper with the contact info.

I take a deep breath. I don't want this. I look at the contact info and I feel any resolve that I had to have a job slowly start to fade away. I look back up and he's gone.

I take a step.

My desk is so small. I would have an office but I got the magazine to agree to let me work from home, minus the once a week update. I pick up the company lacrima and type his number in. Non mage lacrimas are weird. I feel my palms getting slick with sweat and feel my heart start to hammer in my chest. I haven't felt like this in a while. At least, not while sober. I feel like it's been ringing forever. Maybe it has. Maybe he's not available. Maybe I should try again later. Maybe I shouldn't try at all. Then I hear a deep baritone voice accompanied with an angry face and I feel like crying.

"Hey! How'd you get- Lucy?"


	2. How It Began

Hey lovelies! I'm super excited for you guys to read this next chapter! I'm so sorry for the extremely late update. I did try to work on it when I could and I did want to upload much earlier than this but I couldn't. I am in my third year of my undergrad, doing a double major in two programs that require a lot of readings and written assignments. I'm finally on my winter break so I'll be able to pump out a few chapters before school starts back up again. Thank you to everyone who reviewed! I'm glad you guys enjoyed it! Please remember that this story includes **drug abuse** and **depression**. If you were uncomfortable in the first chapter, please do not continue to read. I am in no way encouraging drug use as a crutch for depression or its use in general. If you do have depression or struggle with drug use, please find a healthy resolution that you are comfortable with and that will work for you. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this next chapter and please feel free to message me with questions or anything else! :D

\- Laxus -

God this mission sucks. The cold was making every limb become useless and this god forsaken mountain has winter mosquitos. Why the fuck is that even possible? Two of the worst things on this planet uniting to make my life a living hell. On top of my balls shrinking in on themselves, the mission itself is bullshit. It's damn near impossible to track down these kinds of places, never mind take one down completely. There's always some kind of straggler. I feel my breast pocket vibrate and I'm damn near ready to snap. I look at my lacrima and notice it's from that godforsaken magazine.

"Hey! How'd you get- Lucy?" My snarl turns into utter confusion. I stare at the girl I never suspected to contact me. Not after what I did. Not after what I said.

"Laxus. Hi. Is this a bad time?" I breathe out a sigh and notice her smile is off. Maybe it's my imagination. Then again, her and I were never close enough for me to memorize her smile but I did make a damn good attempt. From afar. Where I couldn't hurt her.

"I'm just on a mission with my team. What's up?" Although I realize stopping right now would be a pain in the ass, I do owe her and should give her the time she needs. I motion to my team to set up camp for the night. I finally notice how worn down they all are. Maybe this was a blessing in disguise.

"Oh. Sorry." I hear her say but I don't really pay attention to it as my mind instantly becomes preoccupied and I have to restrain myself from groaning at the sudden heat from Freed's ruins. "I was wondering if you would be free in the next couple of weeks to do an interview?"

At the mention of an interview my mind snaps to her and I can't stop myself from saying "Listen, girly. I don't really do interviews." I quickly regret what I said. I see her face slacken and her eyes fill with worry. I owe this girl. I hear her begin to mumble her apology for calling at an unfortunate time when I interrupt her. "But… for you, I'll do it."

The look on her face makes it all worth it. It's nice seeing her brighten up a bit. It's nice to know someone is doing alright after gramps left.

"Thank you! When would you be available?" I think about when I'll be back from my trip before I respond.

"We should be back in town in a week. How about Wednesday around noon?" I say and I see her nod a yes. We say our goodbyes and I can't help but wonder where Natsu was.

The contrast of my cold body and the boiling water of my bath makes me hiss as I lower my body into the tub. My body is rigid as I get settled in the water. It feels likes someone's replaced my blood with liquid nitrogen. I debate saying fuck it and getting out but I'm not a pansy. Plus, I know it will slowly start to feel good. The water is soothing to my tired muscles. It's practically orgasmic actually. I can't stop the sigh of relief as my whole body is humming in content and my muscle begin to relax.

For the rest of the trip, I heard nothing else but Lucy's name. My team wouldn't let go of the fact that I had yielded. For fucks sake. I know I'm a prick but that doesn't mean I don't have a heart. It just means sometimes it doesn't work. There's a difference. Kind of. Plus, I've been trying to be better after everything I did. The faster I am at becoming the person gramps would approve of, the faster he will come back and put an end to the disbandment of the guild. At least, that's what I've been telling myself. It must be because he didn't think he could entrust it to me. Who would blame him? After all the shit I pulled, it makes sense. I'm scum.

-Lucy-

The wind scrapes my cheeks as I desperately grope my own body for some hint of warmth. My hands won't stop shaking. I shouldn't have left my apartment this time. I should've stayed and came down there. But I needed to get out. The walls were choking me with their confinement. Taunting me with their promises of prison. Of caging me in with no chance of escape. I needed to breathe. So I ran. Why am I always running? How can I always be running yet am always left behind? Why can't I keep up? Maybe it's because their resolve to be rid of me is stronger than my will to be with them.

I need to hide. They're following me. Calling to me. Screeching each harsh fact at me. How I'm dumb, weak, useless… How she was glad to leave me. Overjoyed, in fact. She partied when she left and the others looked on in envy. No one wanted to stick beside me. I was merely a burden. I only ever got in the way. The one time I was able to help, it cost me a friend. Or at least, who I believed was a friend. My feet pound on the concrete and I'm scared I'm cracking it as I run. Leaving a trail in my wake. I briefly turn my head down to check. Guess I got lucky this time. It's more likely that I'm too weak to cause that kind of damage. No matter how desperate I am to escape.

I have a good advantage on them. This is the only time I'll be able to hide before they catch up. Where can I hide? I can't let them catch me. They'll torture me, even if they're not real. I bureau myself beside a trash bin and force my back into the brick wall. The water droplets that were clinging to the wall attach themselves to what little clothing I had. The now wet and thin material quickly molds itself to my body. Every dream I had of warmth slips away. I pull my knees to my chest. The stickiness of my own puke spreads itself on my thighs. I look down at my feet and realize I don't have shoes. I see some blood that has spread on the pavement. My feet feel raw. Oh well. I outran them. That's what matters. I must be safe. I must be. I have to be. The pricks on my back are my friend. They keep me alert. They let me know my surroundings are real.

Its face has been abused and stretched in ways only Hades could dream of. I guess it makes sense. It is a demon. It does what I imagine to be a grin. A smirk. A promise of absolute pain. I will myself to be somewhere else. Anywhere else. Away from this place. Away from this pain. I have half a mind to run again. But that would make it worse. It taunts me. It howls for its friends. I dig my back further into the wall. Willing its magic to work. Willing for it to tell me that what I am seeing is not real. It doesn't.

It feels like it's been hours. They take turns picking at my every insecurity. Laughing at each one. Tearing all my scars open and stretching them out. Deepening my resolve that I'm worthless. Making me feel raw and numb. Or maybe the numbness is from the drugs. Whatever. They decide that I'm boring and leave. Funny. Even my own hallucinations don't want to be with me. I'm just trash. Trash that's been forgotten by the side of the road.

I look up and then I see them. The eyes. The eyes. They're everywhere. They follow you around. They seek to take your soul into the darkness. Comfort it in the warmth. Draw it in. So it can never escape. It's been awhile since the eyes have haunted me. Piercing me with each gaze. I can never escape from their wandering eyes. I shut my eyes tight in an attempt to lock them out but they even follow me here. To my private realm. Dancing across the insides of my eyelids. They turn into a kaleidoscope. They follow me as I run in my private place. At least in my mind I have a chance of escaping them. I run through the black void in my mind as it slowly turns into the kaleidoscope behind me. The ends of my feet being nipped by the kaleidoscope as it changes the black void. I run harder and I can't stop the tears from running down my face. I don't even know if they're real.

 _My blood pumps to the beat of the music. A strangers' hands roam my body freely but I don't care. I'm too drunk to care about anything else then the numbing powers of the burning liquid. My mind whips to why I'm here. Why I'm drinking quantities that would put Cana to shame. And I feel a tear escape. I bite the inside of my cheek hard and I make my way off the dance floor and to the bar._

" _2 doubles of your strongest." I grunt at the bartender and fumble for my purse. Someone puts their hand on mine._

" _Put it on my tab, Bill." I turn to see the owner of the hand. This isn't the first time a guy, hell even a girl, has bought me a drink. I usually give them a dance to give my thanks. Somethings different about this guy though. Despite his greasy long dark hair, he's hot. A jaw I could cut myself on and thighs that were meant to ride. Just my type._

" _Why thank you, good sir." I slur out while leaning into him and placing my hand on his arm._

" _You are welcome, Mi'lady" He replies and for the first time in awhile, I giggle. I get my shots. I take both with ease. The burn is pleasurable at this point. It tells me I'm still alive. I grab his arm and drag him to the dancefloor without another world. We don't leave it again. It's no longer a stranger's hands on me but either way it's the same. My ass is in his crotch and his arms are slung around me. One groping my tit and the other resting on my hip bone. We stay there for what feels like hours. I don't know why but I feel safe with him. Maybe because he made me laugh. Maybe because I need companionship. Maybe because the pool in my belly is quickly growing. He whispers in my ear about leaving here with him. I quickly agree and he leads me out._

 _His stubble makes the kiss feels rough on my mouth. But I don't care. I've needed this. He breaks away to lead me into his apartment. He says something about making myself at home while walking into some room but I'm too drunk to really care. I flop on the couch in his living room and rub my face. He comes back with a small jar, two needles, and a belt. I look at it skeptically before he says its Blue Krow. I've researched this before. As drugs go, it's not the worst one. He says I don't have to try it if I don't want. But I've researched it before. I know it may be able to ease my pain. I extend my arm to him and he gives me a Cheshire cat smile._

 _The click of my heels is the only thing that can be heard for miles around. I'm almost home. I need a shower. I've never felt that horny but the sex was still average. Compared to my other partners, he was actually up there. I did get his contact info before I left. Who knows if I'll ever use it. I don't regret what happened. I feel amazing. The drug coursing through my veins has given me an escape I didn't know I could get. I didn't take much because I've never had it before but the taste I got has me already thirsty for more. I open the door to my apartment and immediately head to my bathroom._

" _Aquarius?! You're alive!"_ _I charged right into_ _her. "Why didn't you tell me sooner! Why didn't you come when I was screaming your name and clutching your key? Or when all I could do was cry myself to sleep with your key beside me? Why aren't you saying anything...?" My anger slowly diminished. "You never let me speak to you like this before… What's wrong? Are you ok? Is the Spirit King causing you issues?" My continuous onslaught of questions makes my anger and confusion grow and grow. Then I realize and my anger was replaced by recognition. "You're not real are you?" She slowly shook her head and I remembered the side effects of Black Krow. That's when I first truly experienced crying jags._

I open my eyes to the bright light of day and the layer of stickiness coating my body immediately comes to my attention. My face feels stiff from dried tears. I look around and realize I'm still in the alley. How long have I been here? I feel the vibration of my lacrima in my pyjama shorts. Thank god I brought that at least. It's only 2pm. That's a relief. The notification was from Laxus to confirm our meeting. Well fuck. We're meeting at 5pm today. I quickly tell him that it still works for me. Now I have to figure out how the fuck to get home without getting recognized.

I follow the maze of alleys slowly working my way back to the apartment. I recall the memory I had before I woke up. Why did I have to think about it again? I was so close to seeing her again then. I thought she was real. She felt real.

I have to stop my thought process before it devolves and I start crying. I missed a bit of the come down period but I still feel it a bit. I'm still sensitive.

I'm finally home and no one that mattered saw me. I still have 2 hours to get ready and head to the restaurant. I finally have a chance to get a good look at my feet. They're a mess. My priority is to take care of them first. I head to the bathroom as fast I can but each step feels like stepping on a Lego piece that's been soaked in acid. I strip off my clothes and toss them into the laundry hamper. They're going to need a deep clean. I run the bath and put some soothing and anti-bacterial herbs and medication in the water. The air instantly smells of aloe, ginseng, ginger, honey, echinacea, and my body instantly craves to be soaked in the blend. However, I need to rinse off all the dirt and dried blood off my feet and body before I step in the bath. I lather my head in shampoo and I scrape my scalp trying to get the feeling of grime off me. I put in some conditioner and switch to the detachable shower head. The hot water coming from the does little to relax me. I direct the shower head to follow the path my loofah just took. I rinse the conditioner out and step out of the shower. I put my hair in a towel and turn the water off for my tub. I step in and instantly feel relief over my body. The cleanliness and calm that I craved from my loofah is instantly gratified from my bath.

I check my lacrima for the time and decide it's time to get ready. I get out of the bath and realize I may need to wrap my feet. I open the cabinet under the sink in search of my first aid kit. I find the anti-bacterial cream and the gauze. I sit on the edge of my tub as I tend to my feet. I put the first aid kit away and head to my bedroom. I look in my closet and sigh. I just want to wear sweats and a baggy shirt. However, I pick something that covers my arms and is appropriate for an interview. I consider what I can wear shoe wise and decide I can probably get away with some black flats. I sit in front of the mirror as I put on some makeup. It's mostly to cover my dark circles and to keep up the appearance of the Happy Go Lucky Lucy everyone knows. This is going to be one long interview. I can't wait till it's over and I never have to be reminded of the good times again. The times where no one was openly leaving me. When I still believed people actually cared and loved me. When I wasn't alone.

"Hi! Can I have a medium strawberry milkshake please?" I ask the waitress after I sit down in a place Laxus can easily see me. I'm already dreading the sickly sweet liquid but this used to be my favourite. Got to stick to appearances, right? The waitress nods and scribbles my order down.

"Can I get you anything else while you wait?" She says. I wish she was already behind the till but I get she's just doing her job.

"No, that's it. Thank you." I say and pull out my notebook and pen to give her the signal she can go wait on the other tables.

I can't help but tap my nails repeatedly on the table while I wait for Laxus. I don't want to take part in this interview and he has the audacity to be late? Fuck him. I wait another 5 minutes before I start putting away my things and getting ready to leave. Fuck my boss and fuck this interview.

Just as I'm about to get up, I see a mop of blond hair attached to a huge body. Fuck I forgot how hot he is.


	3. Connecting Dots

Hello lovelies! As per usual, if you have any issues with the topics involved to the point where it may affect your mental health, please do not continue reading. This story involves drug abuse, depression, and anxiety. In later chapters, there will be smut so if you're not 18+ or you're not interested in that kind of stuff, this may not be the story for you. This chapter does include sexual implications. Anyways, on to the story!

-Laxus-

Fuck I forgot how hot she is. God would I love to worship her body. Treat her like the goddess she is. What's that song again? God is a woman? Must've been referring to Lucy.

I should've gotten my ass over here quicker. I can see she's annoyed that I'm late but goddamn is her pissed off face kind of hot. This is not helping my situation. Get your shit together, Laxus. You've got to do an interview. I can see her rake her eyes over me. Well at least I'm not the only one who's going to suffer.

"Hey Lucy. Sorry I'm late. I got held back by team stuff." I say as I sit down. "Drinks' on me."

"Oh you really don't have to do that! It's fine." She stumbles out. Her smile doesn't seem to reach her eyes… How have I noticed this twice? Maybe I'm finally becoming a pansy.

"It's fine whatever." I mumble out. Trying to make it not seem like a big deal. I don't want her to think I'm hitting on her. I wonder why her smile is off…

The waitress comes over to ask for my order. I ask for an Americano and she walks away. Daddy needs his caffeine if he's going to get through this. I tell her it's all on my bill before Lucy can protest any further. Lucy scrunches up her face before letting out a sigh. It's cute. Yeah, I'm a pansy.

"So let's get started." She starts taking out her notepad and recorder to set them up. Why is she being so formal? I get this is an interview but we are part of the same family. "I'm going to ask you some questions and try to answer as truthfully as possible. These questions are based off of the readers' demands."

"Sounds good." I say back to her.

-Lucy-

I want to gag at these questions. They're all for the obsessive pre-pubescent teens that are figuring out their own sexualities. Not that it is a problem. I just don't want to be the one to ask Laxus fucking Dreyar where he's going to be in 5 years to what type of underwear he prefers. Like how the fuck do those even relate?! I wish someone else could've taken this interview…

Guess I'm going to have to suck it up. I hit record.

"So Laxus, it's been awhile since your last interview with Sorcerer, how have you been? Any ladies or are you still the same playboy we know and love?" I'm officially gagging internally. I can see on his face he hates this as much as I do. God what I would do for a hit right about now…

"Oh you know. I like playing the field. Gives me the chance to test as many players as I can. Plus, I don't buy into that bullshit lovey dovey crap."

"And we don't expect anything less from you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" He practically growled at me. Or maybe he did.

"I meant no offense. You're a great play boy and the ladies wouldn't want it any other way." I know I'm hitting a cord but I don't care. I'm itching for a fix and neither of us want to be here anyways. I get myself to blush so he doesn't see through my bullshit. Who knew thinking of him perfectly situated in between my legs would be so useful in these circumstances.

His smirk is deadly.

"Well if you ever want a taste of the 'Great Laxus Dreyar', I'm sure I could arrange something" If he said something like that to me even 6 months earlier, I probably would've genuinely blushed. Instead, I think I'll go for my more infamous approach.

"Don't make me Lucy kick you." I try to ignore the growing irritation and ease the tension a bit with a flirty smile. "So, the readers are dying to know. How many hours per day do you dedicate to your workout regime?"

"Well it depends on the day and whether or not my team and I are on a mission…" I slowly fade him out. God I miss going on missions. I miss my team. I bite the inside of my cheek and force myself back into the conversation. "-typically 3 hours of training."

"Wow. That's intense. No wonder you're so big."

He just smirks at me and I know his mind is thinking of his southern region.

I clear my throat and move on to the next question. Ugh I want this to be done. I'm itching for a fix. God why is his voice so loud?

I ask him a few more questions that are beyond stupid for the reader, trying to keep an air of happy indifference, but then I look down at the next question and my smile nearly drops. "So, what's your plan now that Fairy Tail has disbanded?"

I can see him tense. "Well I will probably stay with Blue Pegasus until Gramps comes back or we figure out a way to get the guild back together. I know my team is already on board with this." I can feel him asking me the silent question of whether or not I would join in, and maybe I would've had a better response for him but right now my own irritation is consuming me.

"Well everyone already left, I doubt they will be coming back just because you want it them to."

"We are family. Of course they will."

"I highly doubt it." I can feel my anger beginning to reach its peak.

"What happened to your happy go lucky attitude? You're the light of the guild." He scoffs. I can see he's getting pissed off too. It doesn't stop me.

"Everyone changed. Why can't I?" I snarl out. The surprise that overwhelms his face is almost gratifying.

"Woah. Easy there. Didn't know the kitty had claws."

"Yeah well you didn't really talk to this 'kitty' that much." Fuck. I've said too much. I need a hit.

"Wh-" I need to shut it down.

"Let's just get back to the interview. I'm sure your team is waiting on your return." I cut him off. I can see he's not going to press the issue. Good.

Thirty minutes of absolute torture and the killer itch for a sweet injection never faded. I was antsy to leave. I don't like emotions. Not anymore. They hurt too much. They always lead to pain. I've been in a lull of unadulterated bliss as I float from fix to fix. Incapable of emotion. And Laxus managed to get some out of me. The still lake I've been floating in rippled and it took everything in me to not end the interview and run to the bathroom. I always kept some in my purse. If I was coherent enough to bring my purse, there was a good chance I would need a needle to stay sane.

As soon as Laxus answered the last of the proposed questions, I stopped the recorder, packed my things, said a quick thanks for the drink and ran out the café door. I didn't look back. Looking back meant I cared. Looking back meant I missed the people that I thought cared about me. Looking back meant causing another ripple in my lake. So I powered to the closest alleyway, I could easily hide in and ducked in between two trash cans. I haphazardly got my arm ready before plunging the contents in to my veins.

-Laxus-

Thank god these goddamn pedestrians know to move the fuck out of my way because I really don't feel like punching someone and then having to deal with the headache that accompanies random assault. Blondie just had to ruin my day. I wasn't all that excited to do the interview either but did she have to be so obvious about it? Why the fuck is Blondie still on my brain? She didn't seem ok, maybe that's why. Something was wrong. Or maybe she was just having a bad day? Either way, I don't want to be dwelling on her or her adorable button nose and her downright delectable tits.

Lucky for me, my nose has just been assaulted by a revolting smell. It smells sweet and sticky. I already know what is. It doesn't take a dragon slayer to be able to identify the trademark scent of blue krow. Although, it does take a dragon slayer to be able to smell it from the other side of the alley. I see a pair of knees peeking out from in between two trash cans. I crinkle my nose and continue to walk to the outer edges of the city. It's not my business what some poor soul does in the middle of the day.

-Lucy-

Sweet release.

I bite my lip to suppress a moan. It's better than an orgasm. I can feel it running through my veins. Each nerve tingling with life as the drugs begin to affect my body. I get lost in the feeling of the high. Nurturing my wounds that are buried deep within. I need to get out of this alley. I walk towards the other end of the alley. Away from the coffee shop. Away from that interview. Away from Laxus.

I finally get back to my apartment but I'm already itching to leave again. I'll try to stay. At least until it's safe to go outside. Where the darkness can wrap around me and hide my movements. I change out of my work clothes and shove on some sweats, a tank top, and a flannel. My floors are cold.

I pad over to my painting corner and set it up with a fresh cup of water and my paints open and ready for use. I pull my hair up into a bun and plop on the stool. I dip a brush into the pasty substance and just let my mind focus on painting. The only reason I even have this corner is because my therapist said it would help me. Might as well couple it with my own coping method since I gave up on therapy months ago.

I let my mind drift away and get lost in a sea of blues, whites, and gold. I already know what I'm painting. I paint the same subject every time. I don't think this is what my therapist had in mind when she suggested painting.

I look outside. Dusk has begun to creep into the sky and I take that as my cue. I barely glance at my painting as I head to the bathroom. A little hit won't hurt before I leave this place.

As I walk out of my bathroom, I head to my closet and grab my black leather pants and a tight long sleeve crop top. I grab the bag I left on the chair, already packed with a water bottle and a sweater. I slip on my running shoes and grab my keys before heading to the window. If Natsu could do it, why can't I? My front door is already locked so why should I bother unlocking it only to lock it again? My blood starts to shoot through my veins as the feeling of exhilaration overwhelms me. Before thinking too hard about it, I throw myself out the window. I land on the balls of my feet before tucking and rolling to lessen the impact. I feel my cheeks edging into a smile and my body turning to cheer with someone that I should be there. He was always there. Except, he hasn't been for months.

Guess I haven't learnt my lesson yet.

I decide to skip towards a club where I know I can find some comfort. Skipping is an underrated form of transportation. And I will be damned if I don't use it at this particular moment.

I wasn't going to go Rebel tonight. But I felt the need for someone else's touch. I want to feel something tonight. Something that I can control. Something that is safe. Not as far as emotions but something that edges on it. A girl has needs too, right?

I ram my body into the bar and try to grab the bartenders' attention. She turns to me with a smile and I lean over to ask her for my drink of choice, a rye and ginger with lime. I'm basically yelling over the music. She gives me a shot of tequila on the house. I can tell it's going to be a good night.

I see a woman looking at me from across the bar. I lick the salt off my hand and throw the shot back before sucking the lime dry. I've always liked sour. I pay the bartender and throw her a wink. I hop over to the girl, drink in hand.

"How's your night going so far?" The nameless woman is rosy but it may just be the alcohol.

"Looking better already." She smiles slyly. Definitely the alcohol. "I'm Evie."

"Lucy. Pleasure to meet you." I sidle up to her and gulp down the rest of my drink. When did I have the time to finish that? Oh well. Less to carry.

"Oh believe me, the pleasures all mine." I want to snort at how corny this is but I hold it back.

"Want to dance?" Less talking would be nice.

Before she even finishes say yes, I grab her hand and lead her to the dance floor. I turn towards her and sling my arms around her waist. Hers' go to my neck and we begin to dance. Still feeling each other out. Neither of us quite drunk enough. Well I'm probably ready but she doesn't know I have drugs flowing through my veins and I'm not ready for that part of my night.

Someone is handing out shots and we grab two each. We take them and hand the tubes back to the server. I can feel my mind getting fuzzy but my body is still hyped up on drugs. Perfect. I grab one of her arms to twirl her around and we just have fun. Laughing at each other and dancing the night away. She's a magnificent dancer but she says I can give her a run for her money. I don't believe her but I smile at her anyways. I tell her I need a drink and ask if she wants one. She tells me to surprise her so I head over to the bar.

I don't know how it happened but one moment I'm asking for two shots of pornstars and two rye and gingers and the next I'm dancing on top of the bar. I can see Evie laughing up at me and I see lust filled eyes all around. I dance my heart out and I make sure by the end of it, everyone is wishing that I will warm their beds tonight. Thank god I wore my leather pants.

I hop down and then feel the tell-tale signs of me coming down. I tell Evie I'm heading to the bathroom. She follows me. I don't mind. I can take a hit in the stall.

I lock the door behind me and try to make it quick. I don't need people asking why I'm taking so long to piss. I shove the empty syringe and my belt back in my bag before flushing to make it actually seem like I used the bathroom.

It's a good thing I was taught to always hide it when going out. You never know who will be searching your bag.

Evie was waiting outside my stall. I give her a polite smile as I wash my hands. She leads me back to the dancefloor. Our legs interlock and her arms are around my neck. We stay like that for a few songs. The tension between us is rising. Every touch makes my skin tingle. She brushes her lips against my ear and I shudder. She invites me to her place and I readily agree. I didn't want her at my place. Getting one night stands to leave in the morning is so much harder than just sneaking out.

She takes my hand and I feel eyes burning on my back. I ignore it. It's probably just the drugs.

-Laxus-

I'm going to kill Bickslow. He dragged me to this stupid club, fully knowing how much I despised them, swearing it would be different. It wasn't. It was awful. And then he has the audacity to try and leave me. I ripped his shirt before he even had the chance to run away. That's when I notice a familiar blonde head leaning over the bar. I should probably go say hi. Or I would except she put her back towards me.

She skips over to some other chic and I already know I'm only going to be paying attention to Blondie's rear end. They head to the dance floor and I barely notice anything else but her.

I can't believe my eyes. Who knew Blondie could dance like that? If only he had gone up to her when he had the chance. Then he could have at least tried to make amends for earlier. Not that he knew why he had to but it would probably help. However, it did not help that a certain blonde was either blatantly ignoring him or was too far gone to notice. I must've really pissed her off. The entire night I was watching her and she didn't even spare me a glance. Bickslow made a comment about Blondies choice in dance partner that would make perverts gag. I punched him before demanding another bourbon on the rocks from the bartender.

He never knew Blondie to be much of a partier but here she was drunk off her ass and about to be laid. Maybe she really has changed since the disbandment of the guild. She only ever used to get drunk at party guilds or if the girls dragged her out. I would always hear her complain about it.

Her ass looks amazing in those pants. When she got on the bar, I damn near got a hard on looking at her. She could be paid good money to dance like that. I can feel myself growling at the prospect of everyone else eye-fucking her. That's odd. I gulp down my drink and turn away. Best to push that thought to my "don't fuck with" zone.

Her and her companion glide past me on their way back from the bathroom and I get hit with a sweet and sticky stench. I know I know that scent but my brain is too fuzzy to be able to place it. How many drinks have I had? I lean back on the bar and watch her dance. Fuck she's hot. I never thought I would wish to be a girl before but I would love to be Blondie's companion right about now.

I see her being pulled to the exit by the woman and I already know what's about to go down. I figure it's about time I start figuring out who I'm bring home. I know a few girls have been checking me out all night but I've been too involved with a certain Blondies to really pay attention. I look around and spot someone who looks sober enough to make coherent decisions and I head in her direction.

-Lucy-

I look down at Evie's sleeping form and sigh. She was nice and probably the best fuck I've had in a while. However, I've sworn to no longer get attached. I leave her a note saying thanks and that I had to leave early. It's better than nothing I guess. I have to leave now before I start coming down though.

I tiptoe to the front door and silently close it behind me. I run down her apartment's staircase and out the front door. The cold air hits me and I'm suddenly happy I brought a sweater. I walk to a nearby bench and set my mag down so I can get my sweater out and put it on without fumbling. I look at my surroundings and notice I'm not too far from my place. Thank god. I decide tonight I'm going to pretend I can fly.

I approach a nearby alley and find a sturdy pipe. I put my hands around it. It's cold and rough as I dig the pads of my fingers into it. I assess the brick before deciding to take off my shoes. I shove them in my backpack with my socks. I grip the pipe again. I begin to climb up. I can feel my toes being ripped open by the rough edges of the brick. I ignore it and continue to climb.

As soon as I reach the top, I put my socks and shoes back on. I don't want to completely ruin my feet tonight. I can see my apartment from up here. I can see the stars better from up here. I look forward. I determine which rooftop to jump to and I break into a run.

I'm flying.

This is what I wanted. The split seconds I get of unknowing freedom between each rooftop. Will I fall? Will I reach the next one? Will I continue to soar through the air? This is what I needed.

I reach my buildings' roof top. I see my windowsill and know I can reach it easily. I am on the top floor after all. I lower my body down so I can reach the windowsill and clamber into my apartment. I lock my window behind me and head to the bathroom. My body is aching for a hot shower.

The water washes away my sweat, Evie's sweat, and all the other grime my body collected from the rooftops. I can feel a sense of ease make its way into my body and wrap around my soul. I let out a sigh I didn't know I was holding.

I fumble around my dark apartment looking for some pyjamas. I'm not going to sleep but I want to be comfy. I tuck myself into bed and curl around myself as the beginning of a headache starts to form and the anxiety creeps in like an unwanted guest.


	4. Authors Note

Hi lovelies! I apologize for this not being an update but recent events have made me need to address something. I got a negative review last night that was quite aggressive. Now, I am more than okay with receiving constructive criticism. Also, if you do not like my story based on personal reasons, then feel free to message me privately. I will not, however, tolerate the review page being used as a place to stimulate bullying. I believe this site is a place for people to be able to express themselves freely without the fear of being attacked for it. If I have done anything to offend any of you, please message me about it because that has never been and never will be my intention.

In relation to that particular comment, there may have been a misunderstanding about my story. I have no intention to vilify Natsu or the rest of Team Natsu. In my story, the antagonist is Lucy's declining state because of the reliance on drugs and her own mental health issues. Sometimes when a person gets into that state of mind, it feels like everyone and everything is against you. This story is a by-product of me coping with my own issues. I won't go into detail but the last year or so was pretty bad for me and instead of turning to drugs like Lucy does in this story, I channeled my feelings into this story. So her thought process in this is similar to how mine was and can still be. If I gave the impression that this story is going to be a hate-on-Natsu kind of story, then I apologize. I was simply trying to replicate a state-of-mind.

Again, I apologize for this not being an update. That will hopefully be coming soon for you guys. Just to re-iterate, please do not use the review section as a place to stimulate bullying and if you have anything you would like to share with me, then please message me privately. If you have constructive criticism, then by all means use the review section. If anymore comments of this nature get published on any of my stories, I may have to regulate the review section, which I would prefer not to do. It's a place for everyone to express themselves but if that turns into a place to breed hatred towards me or other users then I will do it. Anyways, I hope you are all having a lovely day and I will try to get the next chapter out shortly!


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